TL; DR: Kratomite Shot didn’t taste particularly pleasant. The slick packaging was impressive, but it didn’t measure up to any significant feeling of relaxation. The product’s label hyped its contents to proportions impossible to deliver. It was relaxing and mildly stimulating, but really nothing to rave about.
Upon opening the box of samples from superfuncave.com, the Kratomite Shot inside immediately stood out amongst the other drably-labeled products. Here was a neat little 3 fl. oz. bottle brightly festooned with red, green, and yellow flowing lines, with a bold “K” on the front of the label. It almost seemed to scream “DRINK ME”, like something out of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Would this stuff relax me, please me, or shrink me?
The instructions on the label were pretty unambiguous, stating that the entire contents of the 3 oz. bottle are intended as one full dose. The bottle’s label also listed numerous warnings about safe kratom use, advising me to avoid caffeine, alcohol, and so forth while taking kratom. The most eye-catching text on the bottle was the printing around the rim of the cap which read, “100% natural”, “100% potent”, “100% legal”, and “110% party”. Party, seriously? Through my experiences with kratom, I’ve learned that kratom is a lot of things, but certainly not a party drug. Leave it to unscrupulous marketing types to feed right into the worst fears of ban-happy legislators.
Even so, I couldn’t help but be impressed with the slick design on the label, and the creative choice of product name. I immediately imagined some humanoid alien crash-landing on Earth after the destruction of his home planet, discovering that Earth’s sun gave him superhuman powers and abilities, and then finding out that his only weakness was kratom(ite). Now, would this be the green Kratomite that saps the strength of Kratomians, or the red Kratomite that induced wacky and bizarre personality changes? I guess it was time to find out.
After peeling off the label, I was initially hesitant about pouring the whole bottle down the hatch at once, as recommended on the label’s instructions. Then again, I thought, my tolerance for chemically-similar foreign substances was once the stuff of local legend. What was the worst that could happen by taking the recommended 3 fluid ounces dose? I showed the bottom of the bottle the ceiling, guzzled its contents, and gah! My face instantly screwed up in pure disgust. Even though I had shaken the bottle thoroughly before consuming, the sweet tea flavor didn’t dilute the potently bitter kratom flavor at all. The two flavors remained intact as I swallowed the liquid, though only the nasty bitterness lingered as an aftertaste. Keep in mind that this is coming from a guy who was in the habit of regularly chewing up his pain pills, with no complaints.
Given my relative inexperience with kratom, I heeded the stern warning on the label to avoid mixing caffeine with my kratom. It had been at least six hours since my morning coffee when I chugged the shot. As is often the case on Sunday afternoons, I had loose ends from the previous workweek to catch up on. My fingers had been pounding away at the keyboard for about twenty minutes when I noticed the empty white shot bottle of kratom in the periphery, and realized I was supposed to be reviewing this stuff. Did I feel better, or any different? It was hard to tell. The pronounced relaxation and good-natured feeling I had experienced from Divinity Kratom caps I had taken two days prior certainly weren’t a placebo, but with this Kratomite shot, I wasn’t so sure. I was possibly more alert than usual, and I wasn’t feeling any of my familiar aches and pains, but I didn’t feel substantially different than before. Two hours later, there was no discernible change in my mood. Maybe it’s because I was subconsciously expecting an extra 10% “party” that failed to materialize.
It’s difficult to gauge the efficacy of Kratomite shots based on this experience. Most days of the week I’ve got at least a couple nagging pains that help ruin my day like cramped wrists/fingers from typing, headaches and backaches, but for whatever reason I wasn’t feeling said pains that day before drinking the shot, and I wasn’t feeling much (good or bad) after drinking it either. I guess since I wasn’t slouching in my desk chair after two hours, it could have had a slight stimulant effect, but in any case, it was nothing to write home about. Maybe two of these puppies could put a little more pep in my step, but at roughly $10 per, I can think of far more effective ways to achieve desired analgesic, stimulating, relaxing, and/or mood-enhancing effects for a similar amount of cash.
Convenient method of taking kratom
Clear instructions and product information on the label
Mildly stimulating and relaxing
Profoundly unpleasant taste
Far from the strongest kratom product out there